Welcome to Bakajima, the Desert Island of Jordan F1.

A while ago Lukeh of Gridwalk Talk rehashed the concept of the BBC’s Desert Island Discs of music and gave it a F1 related spin.  He then asked us to respond to his question and here is my reply.

Desert Island Drivers

You can take 8 videos of classic races with you to watch (there is a TV built into a tree, of course. And yes, it has HD.)

You can take one Formula 1 personality with you to keep you company (no funny business, now.)

You can take one luxury Formula 1 car to… stare at I guess (aerodynamics works in sand and jungles, right?)

Fair rules, right? I won’t even take you away under race stewards review, or anything. Anyways I implore that you all take a good think about this and post below, let me know what your choices would be! Even better, if you have a blog why not blog about you choices and go into further detail? It’ll be a fabulous opportunity to get plenty of F1 bloggers involved and see what we come up with. I’m gonna come back with a new post in a few days with my choices as, quite frankly, I’m still enjoying that banana and in no state to go including my choices so suddenly. These things take thought and I don’t want to go getting black flagged for poor choices.

Now get your thinking caps on and let me know what would be on your Desert Island Drivers list!

Welcome to Jordan F1’s Desert Island of Bakajima  I know that the Letter “B” is beside the letter “N” on a normal “QWERTY” keyboard.  But “Bakajima” is no mistake.  It means “Fool’s Island” in Japanese and it is the southern-most island of the Atoll known as Bikini.  So when it comes to “Funny Business” you are a little late here….As an example we seem to get aurora borealis or St. Elmo’s Fire every night but without any need for the pre-conditions of those natural occurences being forecasted.  More strangely, there was no known occurences before 1946.  Funny Business indeed.  But that’s beside the point.

When I first thought about my idea of who/what would accompany me to this Desert Island a sacrificial thought entered my mind to drag along Pastor Maldonado with me as that way we would not crash into another else or the walls or curbs and generally not ruin anyone else’s Grand Prix.

However there also a dream F1 car on this Island, so what is to stop Maldonado from crashing the car into the tree that supports the T.V. toppling the tree over and causing the screen to shatter as it hits the only rock on the island?  After all, this is Maldonado we are talking about…..

So Maldonado may not be such a great idea.  As the personality invited has to be a F1 personality and no “funny business” is allowed I seem to be stuck.  Hmmmm, maybe I could drag the gal along but the way things are going at the moment It looks like I have to be involved in some way with F1……maybe I should drive an F1 car under an assumed name that the Americans can easily pronounce like Jord  Vill-neuf or Jord New-town ?

So my F1 Personality that I would being along would be  Gerhard Berger!  Oh the practical jokes we will pull on each other is just going to be insane…..

The dream F1 Car:

Since I would like some method of roaming on or around the island in question a F1 car that can double as a boat would be needed…. so:

Either the all-conquering Williams FW14B it is so omnipotent that I bet it can walk (well roll) on water…..

or

A Ferrari 126C as it handled like a boat.  Who knows, maybe it might even float?  Although I would strip the ballast weights and strap my scuba tanks to the sidepods – just in case it goes under faster than Villeneuve’s 1980 title hopes…..

Video clips of classic races:

And here are my eight classic F1 races to watch on the HD TV, as a bonus, I found clips of actual race footage on Youtube for seven of the eight races.  Please note that there is no way I can order these eight Grand Prix in any certainty. I am pretty sure that four of my classics are on every else’s classic list but here they are anyway:

1)  The closest F1 race ever. The 1971 Italian Grand Prix at Monza.

2)  Spain 1981 at Jarama – The precursor to the Ultimate Trulli Train.   “They shall not pass Gilles – All four of them!”

3)  1995 Canadian Grand prix.  The #27 Ferrari wins again.  But who’s driving it?

4)  1981 Canadian Grand prix – The awesomeness of CBC coverage back in its heyday.  Jack and Jill went up the hill to race in Montreal. Jack got DNQ and Jill got third with no nose ….  really!  Take us away race commentator Jackie Stewart!

5) Monza 1973 – Stewart unlaps the field for the Championship.  I wish I could find video for this race, but after a pit stop that took a minute, Stewart came out in  20th place and a lap down and was able to finish back on the lead lap in fourth place to secure his 1973 Driver’s championship.  JYS considered this his greatest race.

6) 1979 French Grand Prix.  Arnoux and Villeneuve battles for 2nd.

7)  The Pastor Maldonado of his day shows his best piece of work – Jody Scheckter’s only lap of the 1973 British Grand Prix   

8)  The Scottish Devil at the Green Hell.  JYS’s  Driving demonstration at the 1968 Nuerburgring There’s a 4 minute gap to second place.  Enough said.

….About that contest for unluckiest ever Dutch F1 driver…..

Greetings everyone!  First, my thanks to all that voted on my somewhat “mean” question on who do you think was the unluckiest Dutch F1 driver ever, and poor Jos “The Boss” Verstappen was the winner with surprisingly everyone else coming up tied in second with one vote each, including Ben Pon, who was not listed.

The reason for this silliness was that I have created a script for what I call a “Sidepodparodyfilm” and have sent it down to Rockall for approval.  I think I will use this as a “trailer” just to see what you guys think of a very minor sub-plot in the blog that still manages to have a couple of Giggles type links to various segments of the story in itself.  The winner of the contest would have had their name being added to the script.

Basically, the hero and heroine of the “movie” find a cursed artifact that is compared unfavourably by the hero to the legendary cursed ghost ship known as the “Flying Dutchman“.  In legend, the ship is supposed to attempt to round the Horn of Africa until the end of days and as such is an omen of doom.   (As an aside, I can not remember which one of those “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies used this as their basic sub-plot too.)  The Heroine, with her someone-inspired crush for underperforming Dutch F1 drivers declares her crush for Jos, believing him to be the fastest ever Dutchman in F1 (very possible) and hence worthy of the adjective “Flying” being added to his nationality.

See how unlucky Jos is?  Was not being Schuie’s teammate in Benetton bad enough?

Je cherche du Yaourt! I seek Yogurt! I seek Yoda!

And once again I am coming with an F1 related blog post for those wonderful people over at Sidepodcast, but this time I am going to spoof a very popular movie and alter it with a whole buch of racing (mostly F1) references.  But this time, I am going to need your help to determine a very small plot device that makes fun of teh F1 driver of your choice and connects back to the interests of the central character at the same time….

So who is the unluckiest Dutch F1 driver of all time?  I have made a poll for this, and you have four choices:

1)  Christijan Albers

2)  Robert Doornbos

3)  Jos Verstappen

4)  Other (please name)

For the fourth pick, please name a Dutch F1 driver.  I need a Dutch F1 driver for the joke to work.  (No, I will not accept Bertrand Baguette – he’s Belgian!)   

Here’s a link to the pole:   (If this pole does not work) please answer in the comments. )

Once I have my script worked out,  I will send it to Christine and mr. C  for their admusement.  Hopefully they will post it for all to see.

Come to Tundraland! We Have Marmots!, Otters!, Les Castors!, – The soon-to-be loaned Pandas!, a full TV Season of F1 Racing!.

 In F1 news, the big story during the offseason was that the BBC would only broadcast live 10 races for our friends in Sidepodcastland, with the other ten being broadcast via Sky Sports on some sort of premium charge.  Seeing how the local sports network – TSN uses the BBC’s coverage to broadcast F1 in Tundraland and the owners of Skysports also own America’s FoxSports network, I wondered how this decision would affect F1 broadcasting in Tundraland in 2012.

 It turns out not much!  To check the schedule, you can go to the TSN website..  TSN is still going to show both the Qualifying session and race session of each event, with the weirdest things occurring during the British and American Grand Prix – they are going to be on two separate channels! (TSN (1) and TSN2!)

 That the U.S. Grand Prix is on at 7:00 EST on TSN2 (hope you have a digital TV set) smacks to me of decision made by FoxSports to broadcast it live to those who will pay the special package to have it.  Of course, it is November so chances are TSN(1) just could be covering an unimportant Make-Beliefs Ice Hockey game….

 The British Grand Prix is also split, with the race itself on TSN2 live.  Not quite sure why this is the case as even with the Molson Indy in Toronto just being down the street from TSN’s headquarters they should be able to cover both events on the main channel.

 Finally, all of the sessions for the German and Hungarian Grand Prix will be broadcast live on TSN2.  For those that remember the U.S. Grand prix at Indy days, this too reminded me of the days where Foxsports broadcasted these events live for their viewers and then sold the tapes to TSN for later viewing.  

So what more can you ask for?  Visit Tundraland during the F1 season have access to see most of the F1 races live and your Saturday and Sunday afternoons are still availible for whatever else you want to do during the day….

 First interested party might get to set up shop for the duration of their visit to the Diefenbunker!  This Cold War Bunker was built to house the Canadian Government from Nuclear Attack.

Friday Fun: “Shall We Play A Game?”

 

 Introduction:  The Game is really a foot.

 As you are aware, Not only has the Sidepodcast Daily has been eliminated from Sidepodcast, but the sidepodcast site itself will be down for at least the month of December.  Looks like it is going to be the darkest december since that rumour about some well-meaning guy in a miliary base decided to offer up venison around Christmas,  and some kids drew the proper conclusions as to where the meat came from.  Well, Comet and Dancer and the rest the nine of them survived, but poor Olive, the other reindeer, will not be playing any more reindeer games… :P.   

Sorry about the sick pun.  Go ahead and cry foul if you want, but seeing as it is between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I think “fowl” might be the correct spelling, and meaning, but enough puns.  You want to find out how to play Sidepodcastclue so here it is:

 With the addition of a Controller (who sadly, replaces the envelope containing the weapon, killer and place committed in the cellar) we can play Sidepodclue via Google+ or something like.  The Controller needs to respond by private E-mail to any suggestion and a broadcast for any accusations by the players.  Hopefully the following example will clear the matter up further.

 Sidepodclue:  Who killed the daily?

 Suspects:

  • Ms Christine
  • Mr. C
  • Giggles
  • Bibendum
  • Steven Roy
  • The Panda

Weapons:

  • A plug-in Radio
  • A Williams Cog  (Used as a throwing star)
  • An Airgun
  • A poisoned “unnamed energy drink”
  • The Sidepodcast Owl. (Sidepodcast’s version of falconry)
  • A Kitchen Knife

 Rooms:

  •  Bathroom
  • The Studio
  • Kitchen
  • The Panda’s Den
  • The Garage
  • The Bedroom
  •  The armory
  •  The server room 
  • The Television Room.

 Here’s where I toss in the Holy Hand Grenade, otherwise know as the Rules:

 Players:  3 people are needed. 

 (1 is the controller, 2 to 6 actual players playing).

 The controller needs to roll three dice for each game to determine the following parameters. 

 1 six-sided die (preferably loaded so it’s always the Panda (6 is faced up)) to determine the killer

1 six-sided die to determine the weapon used to kill the daily.

1 nine-sided die to determine the place the murder was committed.

 The controller will then roll a die (nine sided, not loaded), to determine the order the players will play in.  The player with the highest number goes first following in order from highest to lowest.  If there are any rolls with numbers matching, then those players with matching numbers will be the last players in the sorted order.  Again the controller will roll dice again to find the sort order between players with matched numbers. 

 At this point a player can make a suggestion or a declaration.  If the suggestion has anything that is correct – a suspect, a weapon or a room correct then the controller says how many things are correct – like two things correct. (S/he does not say you have room and a suspect correct for example) and on it goes.

 For example  Player one broadcasts to the group that: “I suggest the Panda killed  the Daily with the airgun in the garage”….

 The controller might reply with a private message that “you are right on one count.”  Now this player has to figure out which of these things is correct, the suspect, the room or the weapon, just like clue.

 On the next attempt, Player one might get lucky and broadcast:  “I suggest Steven Roy killed the Daily with the airgun in the garage”….

 ..And the controller might reply in private “You are wrong on all counts”.  With this information, and a bit of logic, Player one should know that the only thing s/he changed in the suggestion was Panda to Steven, and the result was that from one correct suggestion the player now has none.  It follows then, the Panda was the murderer.  For Player one, it is a matter of determining where and with what did the Panda kill the Daily. 

 If a player thinks s/he has the solution. Then the player has to broadcast that they have the solution.  “I accuse the (Panda) of killing the daily with the (Williams Cog) in the (Panda’s Den).”

 The Controller checks to see that player is right or wrong.  If wrong the player is out of the game and if right the player wins.   Either way the Controller broadcasts the correct message to the Group.

 That is correct.  The Panda did it with the Williams Cog in the Den.”

Thursday Thought: And In Keeping Up With Current Events (OTT Shakespearean Version…..)

Introduction:  The Game is a foot.

 Whilst something may or may be rotten in Denmark the foul stench of death emits from Sidepodland.  As you are aware, The Sidepodcast Daily has been eliminated from Sidepodcast.  Although I, like many other fans, mourn the loss of a very popular segment of the site, I realize that they have created a “Frankenstein’s Monster” that has consumed most of whatever little spare time they did have.  At least unlike the famous “Creature” from the book and countless films, they managed to name their creation before disposing of it.

 As to us, loyal fans – what do we do?  Yes we are complicit in its demise as well, in that we did nothing to save the daily. For that I blame us rather than wrong an honourable Panda.

 But friends, Sidepodlanders, humans – I come not to praise the daily but to bury it.  The noble Panda says the Daily died because it was too ambitious. If, – if so, it was a grievous fault, and grievously hath he answered it. But what seemed so ambitious of the daily?  And yet, the Panda is an honourable animal….   The daily was my friend,  perchance yours as well? –  but the Panda says the Daily was ambitious, and the daily is an honourable animal…  When we all came to Sidepodcastland to seek comfort, did not the daily provide?  Ambition,  should be made of sterner stuff, yet the Panda says that the Daily was ambitions, and the Panda is an honourable animal….

 Whilst I shall not recite more of Mark Antony’s burial speech lest I insight you to riot against the poor Honourable Panda:   let us instead celebrate its everlasting slumber with a Sidepodcast spin to a proper board game called “Clue”.   For details please, see tomorrow’s post, my heart is in the coffin with the daily, and I must pause till it come back to me.

Lotus Renault’s Nostalgia Road is a Rocky Road…..

Point of View

First allow me to state that I am a Robert Kubica fan, that has loyally stood by him while KERBS made a hash of any driver who was over 100 pounds soaking wet a few years back, and I would currently love to see him back  in a race winning car at the earliest possible moment. But for the moment, this article looks at the aftermath of Kubica’s rally crash from Renault’s point of view.  How can they minimise the amount of damage that has been done to their World Constructor’s challenge so close to the start of the F1 season?  It is not like  they can grab someone as good as Robert and expect him to win races from the get go right?  Okay there’s still both Kimi Raikkinen and Nick Heidfeld out in the winds, and Robert’s chances of returning to Renault have taking a serve beating, but what if Renault do not take the obvious route and rreally go all out to use F1 to market Lotus Cars?  Kimi’s a former Champion, and has the name from that, Nick can not offer more than just being a good F1 driver.  But there are two drivers that where both champions that had Lotus connections during their careers….

Introduction

 Boy, poor Robert Kubica!  Everyone believes that as a F1 driver, Robert is in the wrong team, but would any other F1 team – Ferrari, McLaren, Williams – allow their drivers to engage in any form of high-risk activity, let alone rallying?  Possibly not, Red Bull might be the exception, but I truly wish that riding a bicycle in the middle of the deserts of Australia is not considered a high-risk activity.  Might be a “Mark Webber” thing, although, as I do not see Vettel breaking his legs on a bicycle….

But what of the team called Lotus Renault, who has just lost its undoubted Number One driver for at least a fair chunk of the season?

The Man with the Yellow Helmut returns….

We know that their test driver is Bruno Senna, and well, he does bring one years experience in a HRT to the plate.   More importantly, with a Yellow helmet he brings untold sponsorship opportunities by living off the name of his long gone uncle, who did make a name for himself in a similarly coloured John Player Special cigarette box on wheels….. However, we need to remember that Senna spent only three years at Lotus, and only two, in 1985 and 1986, did Lotus run the Black and Gold JPS colours.  (In 1987 their main sponsor was Camel cigarettes, and Lotus ran a Yellow and Blue colour scheme).  In those years Senna won his first four victories, two in the wet, which showed that Senna was something special in the rain, one very close battle with Mansell, and one blow out.  Not much of a record to really link the team efforts to huh?  Yes, Senna is famous, but all of his World championships and 37 wins were in a McLaren, so maybe the Senna connection is not really linked to Lotus in the minds of the general Public, who let us face it, is sort of important to Group Lotus’ goals of selling cars….  Maybe F1 fans will associate Senna with Lotus, but even the hardcore F1 fans seem to forget that Senna actually started out with a team called Toleman back in 1984.  What hope does Lotus have milking the Senna name for their cars if the General public only remember Senna in a McLaren? 

Or how about the man who your team made a champion?

But what if Lotus Renault secured the name of Andretti to drive for one of their cars?  Mario is a person who won his second win in the Black and Gold JPS Lotus 77 of 1976 in Japan,  five wins in a JPS Lotus 78, and five more wins along the way to his drivers championship crown in the famous Lotus 79.  So there you go.  It is obvious that the name of Andertti holds more of a Lotus connection than Senna who let us face it, only won four races with the team and is more connected to the McLaren team anyway.  Obviously I am pushing Marco into F1 as, well, Mario is too old, Michael was a joke and John and Jeff, well, they had enough of a chance to shine.  I have not seen enough of Marco to say that he is not good enough for F1, but more importantly, I have not seen enough of Marco to say that he would be useless either…. 

Petrov needs a White Russian after hearing the news….

But what if Lotus Renault does go down this route?  Why not use both Senna and Andretti as a drivers just to milk whatever name attachment still exists?  I mean, it looks likely that Kubica is going for at least the season.  And going by least year, Petrov does not look exactly like a Number One driver, let alone a driver that can actually lead a team to victory.  Not that I think Senna or Andretti can do a better job of leading a team, but I am pretty sure that the name of Senna or Andretti in a Black and Gold Lotus just might actually get me to burn a Leather seat in my Lotus Espirit as it is the safest place to put my JPS cigarette as I am filling up the car at the local Total gas station¹…. Which ultimately is the name of the game….  

So how do the other teams counter this line-up?

But what if this game of going down Nostalgia Road becomes the new thing in F1?  I doubt that we will see Olivier Hill driving a TF Lotus with a Oxford Rowing Club Helmut Colours, but Scheckter (Tomas) and Uncle Jacques² Villeneuve at Ferrari would be an interesting counter, and far better than (Olivier) Hill’s teammate Kazuki Nakajima…. (Hey, all Nakajimas come with a free engine supply…)

Would Williams pick up Rosberg (provided Nico decides to all himself Finnish, of course….) If Nico can’t there always Christian Jones.³  Hopefully Williams does improve from the need to hire paying drivers as both these two would make an interesting matchup….

Okay, as Napoleon once remarked, “from the sublime to the silly is but one step”, I think I have leapt away from the region of the sublime….

Notes:

¹  In keeping with this Lotus Espirit image, forgetting to remove a lit cigarette at a gas station is a very easy thing to do when you are thinking that a 1977-era Caroline Munro (The Bond-girl called “Naomi”)would have been a better “option”  for the passenger seat than a 1977-era Barbara Bach (The other Bond-girl, KGB spy “Agent XXX” )

²  Jacques Villeneuve (elder), aka “Uncle Jacques” born November 4th, 1953.  Drove three F1 races ( 1981 Canadian, 1981 Cresar’s Palace for Arrows and the 1983 Canadian Grand Prix for RAM)  His nephew is possibly the Jacques Villeneuve  you are thinking about….

³ Adpoted son of Alan Jones.